epicrapbattlesofhistoryfandomcom-20200222-history
User blog:Amontgomery1432/Deadpool vs Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Epic Rap Battles: Horror vs Anything Season 1. Deadpool Special
Hello, everybody! Welcome to- Oh, shove a Python in it, Monty! We both know these people are just here to see me! Hello, peoples! It's your Uncle Deadpool here, hosting this rap shit in place of the normal guy. Dude, I don't swear in my blogs! Well, too fucking bad! Anyway, this is Valentine's Day. I guess you were expecting Cupid, or that guy from My Bloody Valentine, or even Saint Valentine. But, no. You're getting fucking Deadpool. Maybe, this time, Amont will actually write good lyrics for me! I can hear you! That's the point, you overly-long-username'd fgt! ;-; Anyway, I guess this is the fifth battle of the series, I don't fucking know. It's me against some random guy. I don't know. Johnny the Homidical Maniac? What kind of a name is that? Maybe whoever made him could have gone for a name that doesn't literally scream "Arrest me!" But, who am I to judge? I was named Dead''pool. Anywho, this battle was co-written by GravityMan, with a bar being written by Mystical Trixter. Bran also helped make this thing be a thing, so shoutout to all of them. Can I have my series back? No! On to the cast! '''Cast:' Ryan Reynolds as Me! As it should be! George Watsky as Johnny C Zach Sherwin as Deathstroke (cameo) (Amont, you better fucking not) Alright, we did the cast. Can I have my series back? Oh, fine. But, first, (No!) here's a story! Story: The city is in ruins. There are hardly any people. No trees. No buildings. No animals. Nothing. Everything is gone. Destroyed. Everything...Except the McDonald's in the center of the chaos! Inside said restaurant is out hero, Deadpool, trying to appease his hunger, rather than doing absolutely anything about the obvious apocalypse that just occurred. "Do you guys serve chimichangas?" Deadpool asks the waiter. "No. This is McDonald's." the waiter answers. "Well, why the fuck not?" "Because we don't." "Do you fucking know who I am?" "Spider-Man?" Deadpool unsheathes his two katanas from his back and chops the waiter into three different halves, by removing his head and his torso. Blood splatters everywhere. "I'm taking my business elsewhere." He re-sheathes his blades and exits the building, and reenters the devastation. He notices a shadowy figure in the distance. He calls out "Hello!?" but there is no response. So, he tries again. "Hello!?!? Are you deaf!?!?" He teleports over to the figure. What he finds is not as he expects. "So...You're the one they call 'Deadpool'" the figure asks. "And you must be a lost Goosebumps story!" Deadpool wittily replies. "You know, you're really annoying." "So I've been told. Want my autograph or something?" "Actually, I want you dead." "Heh. Good luck with that." In one quick motion, the figure takes out a knife and slices Deadpool's stomach. Deadpool grunts and staggers back a little. The wound heals up in seconds. "Who are you?" "Call me Johnny C." "Well, Johnny, you'd better C yourself out before you get hurt." Deadpool goes to walk away but Johnny grabs him by the arm. "Ew, faggot!" Deadpool exclaims as he shoves Johnny off of his arm. "You aren't going anywhere." "You wanna fight about it?" "That should be pretty obvious." "Then bring it on, you fuck!" The Battle: EPIC RAP BATTLES: HORROR VS ANYTHING!! DEADPOOL!! VERSUS!! JOHNNY THE HOMICIDAL MANIAC!! BEGIN!! Deadpool: Hold up! I have a question for Siri: "WHO THE HELL IS THIS KLINGON!?" It's insulting to be against this nobody! Yo, Monty! Check out this Python! *Deadpool flashes Amont* Wait! I just realized this is the first battle of Monty's to feature grown-up words So allow me the pleasure to FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKER WITH A BADASS VERSE!!! It hurts! My suit rides up to my crotch while I'm chalking up this loser another failure! You're as dumb as having Zach Sherwin play Deathstroke and you can't get lamer! He's weak saucey; I'm a boss, see? Wait, I'm out of rhymes already, So I'll just back in the rap Pool and make this bitch Dead-y! (Johnny C begins brutally disemboweling Deadpool, who plays it off like it's nothing and keeps rapping) Hold up! Lemme Google you on my nerdphone! *Deadpool Googles Johnny C* Fuck, man! You're sketchier than my relationship with Domino! A bigger Maniac than Jake, but I still don't know who you are! Tim Burton. That is all. (Johnny stops murdering Deadpool long enough to rap) Johnny C: I got Deadpool in my deadpool and he's going down tonight! You think your face knows burns? Wait until you face me in this fight! You may think you're top dog, but let me make one thing apparent: If you mess with me, I'll gut you and I'll feed you to your parents! You're really pissing me off! I suggest you sew your mouth shut again! Let's C you regenerate after Johnny's ripped off your head! Wear you out faster than your jokes! It's repetitive, for serious! You wear the red suit so bad guys don't see you bleed. Period! Deadpool: Why don't we cut to the chase, you freakish little queer? You know something? You're really the annoying one here! Johnny C: You can't expect to win this battle when your disses are that sloppy! I'll give you a stroke of death, like the character that you copied! Deadpool: I will fuck you up the butt with a knife! That's right! I'll tear out your anus as I take your fucking life! Johnny C: Ew! Um, how about we don't and we just say we did? Okay, now I Feel Sick! I think I'm gonna throw up, kid! Deadpool: Don't you realize you can't beat me? I'm unkillable, you fuck! I'd further diss you, but your insanity already tells you that you suck! This battle's done! Dissin' this bitch was fun, but I'm finished winnin' this! And, guess what? I slayed you with this verse made on a quick skim of Google Images! Johnny C: I realize you believe that it's useless for me to attack But you've forgotten you're dealing with a Homicidal Maniac! I'll add another degree to your burns and slay you with ease! Your rhymes are more cancerous than your incurable disease! Outro Announcer: WHO WON? I did! WHO'S NEXT? Wait, what are you talking about? YOU DECIDE!! *'Johnny beheads Deadpool* '''''EPIC RAP BATTLES: HORROR VS ANYTHING!! Go see my movie!!! Poll: Who won this battle? Deadpool Johnny the Homicidal Maniac Nobody Click here for Grav and here for Lexi Hint to Next Battle: More Battles From Me! Category:Blog posts